Hello people

Spring is well on its way, and I know you must be as happy as I am to see daffodils in bloom and the sun finally making an appearance.

I always find that I end up deep cleaning the house and redecorating in the spring, but it’s also the perfect time to think about even more improvements to your home. It’s the season of renewal, so why not read our feature on extending your home to get some brand new ideas for your house.

We’re delighted to see that both The Peninsula and La Barbarie have been doing a little redecorating of their own, so go and check out their new look venues.

Maybe it’s time to think about what art you have on your walls too – local artist Peter Le Vasseur has a fabulous exhibition coming up which is all about wild nature. Turn the page to read his fascinating story.

This month plays host to National Science Week, which is a great time to teach the kids a bit extra about the subject. We’ve got some surprisingly easy experiments on page 90 that you can do with your little ones at home, which are both fun and informative.

It’s never smooth running a business, but here at GBG our team always end each month proud of our production. ‘Let’s put this baby to bed!’ we finally shout as the mag is sent to the printers. We slope off home, exhausted – but within days we’re back, fresh with ideas for the next edition. There is no ‘I’ in team and the support and hard work that the GBG crew gives me has definitely gone beyond the call of duty.

But our team isn’t the only one that deserves recognition. GBG always celebrates achievements on the island, and we’re proud to announce the start of a brand new competition in the magazine. It’s all about recognising talented local people, and we want to hear from you about those people who truly go above and beyond.

We’re kicking off the competition by talking to social worker Annie Pover, and you can read our interview with her on page 58.

After the success of last month’s article on single dads, we’re delving deep into society’s newest phenomenon – the rise of the househusband. Read about one man’s experience as a stay at home dad on page 40. It’s a real eye-opener.

Our papp’d pages are full of even more exciting local events this month, including an amazing kids street dancing show that we had to pleasure to attend. It was incredible to see what our island’s youngsters could achieve after just one week of classes.

Well that’s all from me for now – enjoy our March issue. And, as always, thank you for your continued support and lovely articles you provide us with!

Fuel prices in Guernsey have caused controversy on the island in recent months and years, culminating in a strong public backlash against the increasing and steep price rises.

Local garages maintain that there is little profit margin for them on fuel sales. But there are ways to save on your fuel costs – by changing the way you drive…

Avoid Aggressive Driving

Jack-rabbit style starts and hard breaking can increase fuel consumption by as much as 40%. Tests show that jack-rabbit starts and hard braking reduces travel time by only four percent. The proper way is to accelerate slowly and smoothly, then get into a high gear as quickly as possible. Nearly 50% of the energy needed to power your goes into accelerating.

Avoid Idling

Idling waste fuel, gets you nowhere and produces unnecessary greenhouse gases. If you’re going to be stopped for more than 30 seconds, except in traffic, turn off the engine.

Inflate your Tyres

Under-inflated tyres can cause fuel consumption in to crease by as much as 6%. Check your tyre pressure at least month a month, when the tyres are cold. On average tyres lose about 1psi per month and 1psi for every 10 degree drop in temperature.

Select the Right Gear

Change up through the gears and into the top gear as soon as possible, without accelerating harder than necessary. Driving in a lower gear than you need wastes fuel, and so does letting the engine labour in top gear on hills and corners. Automatic transmissions will shift up more quickly and smoothly if you ease back slightly on the accelerator once the car gathers momentum.

Service your Vehicle Regularly

We may not have a compulsory MOT on the island, but its best to have your car serviced regularly as it can save your fuel. A poorly tuned engine can use up to 50% more fuel and produce up to 50% more emissions than one that is running properly. Dirty air filters can also cause your engine to run at less than peak efficiency – and cause up to a 10% increase in fuel consumption. Engine oil should also be changed every 3-5 thousand miles. Clean oil contributes to better gas mileage.

Tighten your Fuel Cap

It sounds silly, but if you don’t tighten your gas cap to the second click, gas can evaporate. Loose, missing or damaged gas caps cause 147 million gallons of gas to evaporate every year.

So there you go – try it for a month and let GBG know if we’ve saved you cash!

World-renowned painter Peter Le Vasseur was born in Guernsey before being evacuated off the island before the occupation. But though the ensuing years were spent going on far-flung jungle adventures and mingling with the rich and famous, the artist always hankered after his childhood island home.

Next month he is celebrating his love for nature with a special exhibition of ‘Wild’ paintings at the Sula Gallery.

in April Peter Le Vasseur will celebrate 50 years of painting. It’s a milestone anniversary of an extraordinary life in art – a life that began in 1938 in Guernsey.

Peter was a just toddler when he and his parents were evacuated to Mill Hill, London during the Second World War, where they became refugees.

His memories of that time are vivid. “I remember going into the shelters and chanting my times tables during the air raids,” he says. “I watched dog fights in the sky above London and drew pictures of spitfires.”

His father was an air raid patrol warden and when incendiary bombs rained down on the city, they put them out together, as a father-son team.

On VE day he recalls the excitement of the all-day street parties. “Everyone was celebrating in Mill Hill and a double decker bus came down the road and couldn’t pass because they’d lit a huge bonfire to celebrate in the road.”

Peter can’t remember a time when he didn’t draw. But he had to find his subject matter close to home, because his loving parents couldn’t afford to take him out into the countryside for inspiration, or even buy him books.

Instead he copied pictures from his treasured comics, where he gained a love of vibrant colour and animated movement that is very much evident in his work today.

After the war ended, his family remained in London, where Peter failed his 11 plus as a result of dyslexia. He found himself in a very rough city school and continued to draw and paint prolifically.

One day his parents were called in for a meeting with the headmaster. “I thought I’d done something awful,” says Peter. But a teacher had been struck by his artistic ability during a project the class was doing on the Egyptians and wanted to help him. “I was relieved to hear that the school wanted to give me free private coaching so I could take the 13 plus and maybe go to an art school,” he explains.

It was an amazing opportunity, and Peter worked hard to pass the exam. He then undertook a nerve-wracking drawing exam with 300 other hopeful young artists, before being awarded a place at the Harrow Art College.

A haven for young Peter, he spent a lot of his time there life-drawing, something that he thinks is sadly lacking in modern schools. “Life classes really teach you to observe and then to get what you observe down on paper. It gave me a very equal view of men and women – gender didn’t matter. Everything you achieved was on how good you were.”

Years passed and his talent grew and evolved. He worked on his pieces from home and soon friends began to ask him to do commissions. “I was producing work but I didn’t know what to do with it, so I took the work to the Portal Gallery in Mayfair. They offered me a trial exhibition for the following year.”

But the first piece he had intended for the show was snapped up by the Duke of Bedford before it could begin. The second was of the Beatles and caught Ringo Star’s eye. “Ringo bought it and the story appeared in the Daily Mirror,” says Peter. It was the beginning of a rapid rise to fame…

His first exhibition was a huge success. The vibrant colours in his imaginative fantasy work intrigued the London art scene, and led The Guardian to describe him as ‘highly talented, intriguing and witty’.

Another critic observed that painting fantasy was very tricky, but Peter had pulled it off.

It was the beginning of the public’s 50-year love affair with Peter’s work, which is beautifully intricate in its detail and always has a story to tell.

Through the Portal Gallery Peter sold his work to a wide swathe of the celebrity elite, including Rod Steiger, Jerry Lewis and Lord Porchester – whose home was the real-life Downton Abbey, Highclere Castle.

He struck up friendships with a lot of them, particularly Vincent Price and Ollie Reed. Does he have any stories to tell about the boozy star? “There are loads,” he explains. “But most of them you couldn’t print. Once he phoned after visiting several local watering holes and commissioned a picture of a light aircraft that he needed that day. He kept on phoning throughout the day as the very small picture progressed. At eight o’clock at night he arrived, rather worse for wear, armed with a very good bottle of brandy, which he hoped would earn brownie points with Linda. It didn’t. Just before midnight I told him that I had finished and was going to bed. I don’t know where things went wrong but the next day he phoned from London to say he’d got my chequebook and I’d got his.”

The Linda Peter mentions is his wife of forty years, the well-known Guernsey Reverend Linda le Vasseur. “We met through a dating agency,” says Peter. “For different reasons we were both lonely and living near London. I found Dateline’s address in a magazine. Linda’s father made her do it as 25 was looming and there wasn’t a man in sight. We got engaged after a week.”

As a child, Peter had told a friend that he would one day return to Guernsey, and with his new wife by his side, that’s exactly what he did. “I think the way of life here is so much better than living in the British suburbs,” he says. “It’s still got community spirit, which is missing in the UK. I love the peace and the beautiful scenery. I enjoy waking up to the sound of the pheasant in my garden. It’s a quieter, more tranquil way of life, which is why so many islanders live to a ripe old age – I’m hoping!”

But although settled on his treasured island, his work began to take him all over the world, beginning when he won the prestigious Earthwatch Scientific Foundation Fellowship. “The head of Earthwatch came to Guernsey to meet me and gave me a magazine with all the up and coming expeditions worldwide. I chose South America, because I’d never been there. It hold the largest amount of rainforest in the world and some of my paintings are related to South America.”

It was an epic adventure, where he experienced the vastness and mystery of the jungle. Going off into the wilderness to draw in solitude, he often had the feeling that he was being watched. “I never saw anything, but I did learn later that where I used to go and draw was a regular stomping ground for a jaguar.”

It’s an eerily beautiful tale, one that you can almost imagine in one of Peter’s paintings – the lone figure in a magical jungle, watched over by one of nature’s most beautifully powerful animals.

He was inspired and humbled by the sadly disappearing rainforests. “It was challenging to think about how it could all be lost and that we still only know a little about what’s there. There may be cures for cancer and all sorts of diseases there and they may be lost forever before we even find them.”

Peter was inspired to paint ‘See it before it’s too late’, a poignant reflection on the beauty of the rainforests. “It shows a child looking up at a travel poster for a trip to the rainforest and the idea was that this child might grow up and find that the riches of the rainforest have all been lost. “

Peter uses his work to create awareness of these kind of important environmental issues. “It makes it possible for me to set my paintings in the desert, the Antarctic, the jungle – anywhere,” he says. “It stretches me intellectually and technically, which I feel is something that’s important for my work.

As well as the rainforests, he has been captivated by the silence, emptiness and vastness of the Sahara desert – “I always get the feeling I could walk out into the seeming infinity of it all” – and been in awe of the mighty lion’s roar at night: “The ground beneath your vehicle literally shakes.”

“There’s nothing like hearing baboons dance on your tent after dark or to be out in the bush at 5am and seeing herds of elephants and graceful giraffes making their way to the waterhole,” he adds.

It was this communing with nature that kept Peter grounded while his fame spread throughout the world. As a result, he never struggled with the trappings of a celebrity status, unlike his friend Ollie. “I spend a lot of time working in my studio, so it’s not a problem there at all,” he says. “But I do believe that if people find themselves known for a particular thing they have to be accepting of the fact that their lives become more public and their privacy may be invaded from time to time. The fact that my work is well-known now is about the work, not me, and that gives me a bit of a reality check.”

Peter is wise and thoughtful, something that comes through in his work. And although he says he admires some modern artists, he admits he feels a lot of contemporary and street art has gone somewhat astray. “I like Banksy’s work, he’s very witty and his sense of humour is similar to mine. He’s a bit anti-establishment and at times so am I. There are some very good young artists coming through but I do feel that art is a bit stuck at present in its desire to shock rather than say anything very valid. I don’t like the way that some modern artists don’t produce their own work but farm out bits to students and assistants. I like to be hands on.”

At the moment Peter is ‘hands on’, finishing off work for the exhibition in April, which will be held at the Sula gallery in the Vauxbelets. “It’s called Wild Britain,” he explains. “It celebrates the wide variety of flora and fauna and animal life in the British Islands. Included are pictures of the seasons, four of them set in the north of Guernsey and four in the west. There’s also a picture of Sark and of a channel island rock pool.”

It’s set to be a wonderful celebration of Peter’s work and his love for his island home. He’s also currently working on some large ecology and conservation works, where the work is literally bursting out of the frame.

It all sounds very exciting.

If he hadn’t been an artist, Peter says he would have been a film director in the USA. I like to think he would have been a Terence Malick, or a Martin Scorsese. But then we wouldn’t have his wonderful art, which would be a tragedy.

Peter would love to see more Guernsey youngsters being inspired by art, and has the following advice for our budding painters. “Be yourself,” he says. “Find what interests you and above all persevere. Listen to criticism but don’t let it deter you.” They are words that have obviously served him well.

Wild Britain opens on April 9th at the Sula Gallery, by the Little Chapel.

I know I wasn’t alone last month in moaning and groaning about the dark mornings and the cold long nights. Everyone seemed to be coming down with cold and flu, and I know that the snow – while being a delight to play in – scuppered lots of your plans. You name it, winter has brought it this year!

It’s difficult to stay positive in these wintry times and it is so easy to roll back over in bed and go back to sleep when we first wake up. But there is another side to winter – coal fires, hot chocolate, Sunday roasts, long winter walks all wrapped up in cosy coats and scarfs, movie nights with our loved ones…  these can all be pretty special.

On the subject of loved ones, you might notice a few love hearts and features on valentines in this issue and why not indeed… I’m sure we all celebrate our love for our partners all year round, but to have one day put aside to spoil each other is, in my opinion, a great tradition.

You can read all about the history of that tradition, along with a few other surprising facts about Valentine’s Day in this issue.

But the love between two people isn’t the only kind of love GBG is celebrating in our February issue.

Love drives compassion and teaches us to help those in need – even those far away on the other side of the world. Read about one islander with a very big heart on page 60, and a whole host of other locals doing charitable deeds in our charity section.

Love isn’t just for happy times either – what about when our love for each other is tested? The charity Relate has a variety of options to help you through, so why not read our interview with their centre manager.

Carl Ward speaks about his love for radio and our island in our regular Dear Me feature, and local artist Matt Warren talks about his love for paints, pencils and canvas.

Don’t worry, GBG hasn’t forgotten how fun love can be either. Check out our Lady in Red fashion shoot, featuring Curvy Kate modelling competition winner Sophie Morgan. She’s a local stunner and rocks the red look with ease. We reckon she definitely adds a touch of fun to our February issue.

So some may call it cheesy, others may have stopped believing in it and still more may just be too busy, but to all of you I say this: each and everyone of you will appreciate love in some way, every day, even when the weather is glum and the skies are dark.

Finally, I want to say a big congratulations to my daughter Tina. After a lifetime of loving words and literature she has just had her first book published in the UK. I am so proud of her and you can read all about her book on page 29.

There you have it – love really is all around, it does lift us up where we belong and it really is all you need.

D’Arcy Nicolle is a local joiner for J W Rihoy. But for the last eight years he’s spent his summer travelling to Nicaragua with the Peace and Hope Trust, to help its inhabitants make a better life for themselves. Last year he took a team of Guernsey volunteers with him. Here’s why…

How did you get involved with the trust?

My wife and I went to the UK together in 1999 to study for degrees in Applied Theology. It was at college in Gloucester that we first came to hear about Peace & Hope Trust UK and met with the Trust’s director when he came to college to give a presentation. The college had a strong link with the Trust as some of the students we were studying with were Nicaraguans who were sponsored by the Trust. We were inspired and enthused by the work PHT were doing and as a result spent our third year 7 week placement working for the Trust in Nicaragua.

Why are they so heavily involved with Nicaragua, as opposed to any other poverty-ridden area of the world?

The original link with Nicaragua came through the Trust’s founding members undertaking a hovercraft project to connect the East and West coasts of the country. This was something that had never been done before and was to help bring medical supplies and expertise to isolated village communities. Strong links were forged with Nicaraguans and the Trust was born out of a desire to do something in response to the level of poverty and need that was evident. Part of the Trust’s ethos is to reach those not being reached by others. Historically this has certainly been true of Nicaragua perhaps in part because of a history of political unrest and also because of the isolated locations of many communities.

What was so important to you about being part of the two-week trip?

Over the years I’ve been going to Nicaragua I’ve grown to have a real love for the country and it’s people. I’ve seen first hand the difference the projects have made to the lives of locals, some of them now close friends, and to be a small part of making that difference is both humbling and extremely rewarding. It’s a way I can use my practical skills as a carpenter and my knowledge of the people and the country to help continue the work of PHT. This year, leading a team from Guernsey was amazing as I got to share with them, most of whom were going to Nicaragua for the first time, all the joys and sorrows of being involved in volunteering in a developing country. As a Christian my faith inspires me to have a heart for the poor and to be challenged to get out of my comfort zone to practically share God’s love.

What was it like for you the first moment you saw the poverty in Nicaragua?

People tell you to expect to have culture shock when you go somewhere like Nicaragua but I found that nothing really prepares you for the bombardment on your emotions, senses and intellect. The heat, the smells, the physical conditions all hit you. But when you see a child scavenging for food on the rubbish tip or an old man bent double carrying a heavy sack on his shoulders you cannot help but feel deeply moved and overwhelmed by the level of need. I get a deep sense of frustration at the injustice of it all and a sense of personal challenge to do what I can in the short time I’m there, to try and show locals that there are people who care.

What was the most moving moment for you?

Seeing people living on the rubbish tip in Bluefields continues to be a very moving experience. It is impossible to imagine driving down to Chouet and seeing people building tin homes on our tip or picking through the rubbish to find things to eat or sell; it would be unthinkable but that’s how life is for this community in Bluefields. The moments when you see the difference the work is making to individuals are also moving. Some team members took the girls from the Trust’s orphanage shopping to buy clothes, toiletries and stationery, we were able to supply timber to fix the gaping holes in the floors of two homes and we secretly built a simple swing as a surprise for the children at the orphange. So much joy is created from these simple activities.

Any fun moments?

There were loads of fun moments during the trip. We had a brilliant team with lots of laughing and joking which I think is really important when the work can be hard as well as rewarding. Improvisation seems to be key! We played an impromptu game of volleyball using a coke bottle lid, which caused lots of laughs!

Was it hard work?

Building the pathway through the swamp from the classroom to the road was hard work! It was very hot and humid with sudden tropical downpours of rain when we got drenched! We spent most of the day plastered in red mud! It was great when we completed the bridge and pathway to think that the children and adults using the facility now don’t have to get covered in mud themselves.

You held a party for the local children – how did that go?

The party was great fun and the whole team got involved, we had one team member dressed up as a clown, others playing guitars and doing action songs. We had party games, balloons, food and drinks and we played some Nicaraguan games we got the locals to teach us. Many of the children from the local community came and it was lovely to see they were wearing the clothes we had distributed that morning!

What difference did your two weeks make to the people you were trying to help?

There is only so much that can be achieved in a 2 week trip however this well known phrase sums it up for me “You may not be able to change the whole world, but you can change the whole world for one person”. If any of the projects we were involved in, from building a pathway to helping out at the feeding programme, help to make life a little easier, then for me it’s worth doing. I hope it gives a message to the Nicaraguans we work amongst that there are people who care enough about them to want to make things better.

What happens at the local rubbish tips that people live on?

The rubbish tip serves the whole of Bluefields, a town of about 60,000 inhabitants. Each day trucks deliver rubbish to the tip, it is mostly women who wait with long sticks to hook rubbish off the trucks as they arrive and then sift through once they’re unloaded.

They look for things to eat and for items they can sell on, things like metal and plastic bottles. There are obvious dangers of disease and accidents like cut feet and hands.

It is heartbreaking to see even young toddlers on the tip. Only approximately 15% of the population have permanent employment so people have to try and make a living just to survive even in this way.

It must have been exciting to be at the opening ceremony of the Trust’s Ecolodge – how long had that been in the making?

We spent our second week in Matagalpa which is the more mountainous region of Nicaragua. This is where the Trust’s model coffee farm is located. It was a wonderful experience to be there for the opening of the Ecolodge having been involved in some of its construction.

What kind of training will it deliver? What other projects are carried out there?

The centre will be used to teach sustainable farming methods to local people. It will also teach about growing crops to produce sustainable housing and coffee production. The Trust is pioneering Moringa production in Nicaragua, a plant that has many beneficial effects for health and nutrition, which is being grown on the site.

How did you feel when you left to come home?

I always have mixed emotions leaving Nicaragua. Two weeks is a long time away from my family so I’m always looking forward to getting back home to them. But when we’re out there the time goes very quickly and there is always more that can be done so it’s hard to leave it behind. It was a brilliant experience being part of such a great team so there is always some sadness in leaving behind the camaraderie and closeness that you get from being a team member.

Does it make you live your live any different now that you’ve seen what life is like for the Nicaraguans?

I think I often find reverse culture shock more difficult to adjust to than arriving in Nicaragua. I’m aware that I have so much and can be so wasteful with what I have. It teaches me to be thankful for what I have and to appreciate it. It’s also a personal challenge for me to continue to live my life changed because of the experiences I’ve had in Nicaragua, to keep things in perspective, rather than just continuing on the same.

The PHCT and the 2012 team would like to express our very grateful thanks for all the money raised and donated by individuals and organisations over the past year.

www.peaceandhope.org

This month we speak to dad-to-be and Island FM DJ Carl Ward about his experience of growing up on Guernsey.

Hi Carl, how would you describe your childhood?

My childhood memories are all happy ones. We didn’t have much, I grew up in a very bog standard and freezing cold States’ house with my brother, who is just eleven months older than me. We were very close and always getting up to mischief!

My Mum brought us up pretty much on her own which would have been tough for her but we never wanted for anything. I loved school and it was just a few minutes’ walk up the road too, so all our friends would meet up at our house after lessons were done. Great days!

What was, in your opinion, the toughest thing about growing up?

As quite a shy person I think being liked was an issue for me – I was always trying to fit in and hated the thought of not being part of ‘the gang’.

Do you remember feeling confused or anxious as a teenager?

They do say being in a group can be the loneliest place – that was me. I was always frightened about saying the wrong thing when I was in any social situation.

What were your biggest worries back then?

I remember when it came to deciding what I wanted to do or be when I left school was tough – there seemed to be so many opportunities for others but I was worried there were none for me.

What do you think about the current facilities for teenagers on the island?

Yeah they’re okay. Certainly getting better with the new skate park. I think we need more of these active things for youngsters to do.

What do you think could be done to improve teen quality of life on the island?

More youth clubs would be good – I spent most week nights at our local one as a teen. They’re a great way to mix and meet new friends.

You’re about to become a dad, congratulations! Does this make you think more about how you would like your child to grow up on Guernsey?

Thank you! Yes definitely, we are very lucky to be able to bring up our child up on such a beautiful island. Island life is something we all tend to take for granted.

Now, as a parent to be, I do think about it more and hope Guernsey continues to be a safe environment so that our new arrival can enjoy all the benefits I had of feeling safe and happy growing up.

Dear Carl,

Try & believe in yourself a bit more! If you really want something, with a bit of hard work and determination you can achieve your dreams. Most people will like you for being you and not someone who you think they want you to be, so be true to yourself and try and care a little less about what others think.

Friends will come and go, not through choice but life just moves on. Your family will always be there for you. Don’t be scared of being different – normal is boring!

If something feels right, do it! It’s better to regret something you’ve done than something you haven’t. Go for it, it may just work out ok!

Oh, one last thing… lose the mullet!

Carl X

Our own Sue Markham finds out how modern single dads cope with parenthood.

Like everyone, I find it sad when people break up. The hopes and dreams you once had for your future together are wiped out, and it sometimes feels like you have to start your whole life all over again. But when children are involved it’s even sadder.

It’s not their choice whether they live with mummy or daddy, and they might not understand why one parent is suddenly not there all the time. It can really affect them – sometimes in big ways.

As a mum, I’ve been through it. In the nineties I was a single mum to two kids and though it was rewarding, it was definitely a tough time. But today life is harder and there seems to be more pressure on couples to juggle family life, work and financial struggles.

Couples grow apart for many reasons and we are all so consumed by our own hurt we quite often blame each other. At times it can become an all out war, where we forget what we were fighting about and just set out to hurt the one we once loved. It’s a desperate attempt to ease our own suffering, but it can never work. And when children are caught in the middle they learn from what they see.

Women and men suffer and so do the children, but while we often hear about what it’s like for single mums, the father’s side of the story often goes unheard. So I decided to spend some time with two single dads, to see what it’s like to be a part time dad.

Divorced with two children each, both aged three and six, I questioned what it was like for them once the decision had been made to divorce and how they juggled their work, social life and family life. In the spirit of honesty, I’ll admit I was really surprised to see how responsible they were and how hard it was for them to carry on with work, picking up the children, taking care of them at weekends, feeding them, changing nappies, bathing wounds and fitting it all in to one or two nights a week and every other weekend.

I imagined chaos! Frozen meals, screams, hectic, phone calls to their own mum for advice, and a lot of frayed nerves. But what I instead found was a surprise, to say the least.

For the most part, organisation in the home was pretty impressive. All essentials were taken care of, home cooked meals catered for and they even occupied their children with arts and crafts. They were gentle and firm and their energies and efforts were constant.

Both dads made sure they were a part of all their children’s lives, taking part in all Christmas concerts and activities and negotiating times and pick ups with their exes in an amicable way.

Quite simply between full time jobs, shopping, cleaning, taking care of their homes and the children part time, they were run ragged. By the end of the day these guys were exhausted and I noticed how much they appreciated what their ex partners had to go through on a full-time basis.

I used to be of the opinion that part time dads would whip up some beans on toast, stick them in front of the TV, have a few cuddles, maybe go to the park and call it a day. But I realise now how wrong I was.

Bedtime stories, home-cooked meals (cheesy pasta was a favourite) not too much sugar, careful with allergies - and in both situations the dads only had one bedroom so the children slept in bunkbeds with them. Privacy? They had none.

Both dads were adamant they wouldn’t allow their children to meet a chain of different women (dating is a whole new world when you’re a single dad) so as not to confuse them.

There were tense moments, of course, when the children misbehaved and tested their boundaries – a natural thing to do – and of course if they couldn’t get their own way they would utter that heart-breaking cry: “I want mummy!”

But instead of the minor breakdown I was expecting, they spoke to their children gently, reassuring them and calming them down. If you’ve ever had a tantrumming child in front of you, you’ll understand that it is no easy negotiation.

I was even more shocked when I walked past the bathroom at one point to see both daddy and daughter in front of the mirror. Brush in one hand, hair clips in his mouth, he deftly parted her hair and swooped it up into two perfect pig tails. Lee Stafford would have been proud.

I asked these guy’s who were kind enough to let me into their busy homes, how they were coping financially, as I heard a few comments about not having much money for Christmas.

They explained to me that their whole life had changed in every way. They couldn’t afford to support their ex wives, their previous marital home and help with the bills and also make themselves as confortable as they were with their own stable home.

One of them was lodging with a friend and the other owned part of a house but found it hard to make ends meet. They both agreed that their exes needed to be as comfortable as possible and providing a good home for the children was of paramount importance.

There were some touching moments too. Like when one of the guys bought his two girls a cheap little necklace each. He took them into the woods behind his home and hung the necklaces on one of the trees, before surprising the girls by saying it was a magic necklace tree, especially for them.

It was adorable.

I saw children going on ‘magical adventures’, bedtimes finished off with milk and cookies, dads making birthday cards with them and settling down for painting sessions. (They certainly didn’t clear the mess as well as we do, but maybe that made it more fun) There was even a barbeque breakfast in the garden – in winter!

So, as hard as it is, sometimes us single mums need to appreciate the other side of life as a single parent, as it isn’t just tough for us.

These two men provided their children with love, attention, care and adventures, and still managed to earn enough to provide two secure homes for their little ones, and still live their own lives.

They’ll admit it’s tough. As far as relationships went, they both had partners too and just about managed to fit them in – somehow.

I, for one, will look at things a little differently from now on. I realise that it isn’t as onesided as I once thought. No matter where the blame lies in a split – if there is even such a thing as blame in these situations. The guys do their bit too and they even kept the house clean. I even (nervously) checked the laundry and that was up to date.

As an aside, the fridge did hold more beer than the average household and the sports channel seemed to be on a lot in the background!

Ladies, pride yourselves on what you do. You do it full-time, with little help. But what they do, they did well and I am glad I did this little experiment into the lives of two divorced men – cherishing their families the best they could.

Over to the boys…

John says: “Obviously only seeing your kids part time is tough, particularly at bedtimes or when they’re sick and you’re not there for them. At the same time the intensity of having two kids under six on your own three days a week is definitely quite challenging. Although my time is spread throughout the week I’m shattered when handover time comes around.

The toughest aspect of split-parenting is the discipline side of things. When you only have your kids part time, it’s hard to play ‘tough Daddy’ but it’s something that has to be done and with this in mind, it is important both parents are on the same wave length, so that kids learn the same values in both homes.

Having a respectful relationship with your ex plays a huge part in the positive development of your kids – and generally makes life a lot more pleasant for everyone.

I know which days I’m having the girls so my social calendar gets plotted around that, but it’s great to have very supportive parents who are able to help out if you get stuck too.

Being on your own you obviously take care of stuff that you maybe didn’t have to worry about before – things that the girls’ mum used to look after. I find I need to be more organized than I was used to being, especially when you’re trying to get out the door in the morning and make it to school and work on time – my little cherubs can be like two little hand brakes if I’m not organized!”

James says: “Because the law favours the mother and all that us dads want is to see our kids, it feels like we’re always fitting into what the mother wants.

It’s hard when you think that just because your relationship has failed – regardless of how – you still have to provide all the financial income and assets and you can lose up to 80% of your life’s equity, and still not have access to your kids regularly. Particularly if your work takes you away from home.

Having the kids for only a few days everynow and again makes routine – a key word in the parenting bible – difficult. We end up being the fun holiday, which can cause disruptive behaviour.

Working all week then cooking, cleaning, entertaining and looking after the kids is extremely exhausting, as there just isn’t time to relax. Sometimes this impacts on the quality time you have with your kids.

But being regularly in your child’s life is so important to keeping that bond with them. Even if its a five second hello on the phone, each and every night.

Creating a special unique activity or game with the kids does help that bond, as well as cutting yourself some slack if you feed them take-aways (or cheesy pasta) three days running.

Maintaining similar disciplines to their mother is equally important.

Changing their behaviour isn’t going to happen easily over two days with dad, so being patient and calm is a key skill.

It’s easy to say that your social life goes out the window once you become a single dad. But with the emergence of more single parent families, it’s not as embarrassing for men to be seen taking the kids to the park or beach, so perhaps it’s better to say that your social life ‘changes’.

It’s exhausting, expensive and sometimes heart-breaking. But when you’re playing with your paint-splattered, muddy-kneed children it’s surprising how easy it is to forget all of that.”